Wednesday 12 December 2007
ingrish? 2
Come come Bill G,you have massive resources ........
what's "joins several stings into one text string"?!
Tuesday 24 July 2007
Monday 23 July 2007
spelling mistakes, website errors, rail booking
it's hoplesssssss to gettt anyfin spelt rite.....
"national rail enquires"
Thursday 19 July 2007
netgear, spelling mistakes, website faults,
i attach a couple of recent offerings off their website.
clearly as a small firm with limited resources, they can't afford to press F7 before publishing to the world...........
and more.....
Monday 16 July 2007
eurostar, channel tunnel, dlr, olympics 2012
It is interesting to see that the local press have picked up on the stupidity of the Stratford International Station (SIS)location.
--- it is soooo far from actual Stratford that the fat Canary-wharfers won't waddle over from International to the real station where the tube links are. What a suuurpise...........
i told the GLA this 3 years ago, but they just said "tuff".
So yet again we reluctantly spend too little public money to come up with a vaguely adequate solution, and thereby ensure that all of the public money spent on the half-hearted project is wasted. Clearly if the SIS is useless then the money spent building it is 100% wasted!
Where is the vision to create something spectacular as the Gateway to 2012 Londinium?
why not........
- flatten central stratford
- build a massive station with c.21 platforms on 3 levels
- linked by escalators and lifts
- all in a massive semi-open hole in the ground - a bit like the new Berlin station (see http://www.hbf-berlin.de/site/berlin__hauptbahnhof/en/rail__concept/rail__concept.html)
- run through it Central Line, DLR, Jubilee Line, Eurostar, Eurotunnel Car loading, Mainline rail from everywhere, commuter lines
- not forgetting to incorporate a fantabulous bus stazione etc..
- also with a ginormous shopping centre, to one side with loads of built-in car parks far underground.
- a hub for eurotunnel cars to load ( easing pressure on M2)
- ditto lorries/coaches
- fix the bottom end of m11 to link to all this so it's not a massive traffic-jam
- also fix the A2 so it runs through to here
- bin the link to lovely St. Pancras. All passengers want is to fall out of their commuter strains directly on to the tube for the final bit to where ever they pass the dreary hours until pub-tyme
- make sure Cross-Rail terminates here
- upgrade Central line to 4 track so it can cope with the traffic between leytonstone and marble arch. Obviously then providing a limited-stop service on half the line e.g. Stratford, Smile End, L'pool St., Bank, TCR, Ox circ, Marble A........
- obviously all this is financed by the tax-payer building it and only then charging £loads to the businesses that will benefit in the shopping centre, and shopping areas in the station. Also all the restaurants/cafes it will be festooned with
- it would instantly win an architecture prize for the UK, and the (overpaid) architect who designed it, and plaudits from the users
- isn't it grate that the Crossrail link has been agonized over for sooooo long it won't be open in tyme for 2012 Olympix. We didn't even rush to start building it the day after we got awarded the albatross
Friday 6 July 2007
central line derailment
FROM: London Underground Limited
Dear Oppressed Customer,
We are writing to let you know that there was a minor derailment on the railway yesterday between Mile End and Bethnal Green. This was entirely the fault of Metronet who are the biggest bunch of t055er5 since the shower we engaged to plan the Stratford DLR station, and Stratford Internotional Station.
Despite the fact the train only came off slightly, and the line is hardly damaged, the service is still not open, and unlikely to be until Monday morning. If possible we will shag Monday as well by doing as little as possible to sort things out.
I am delighted to also let you know that due to the oppressive sales terms we cover ourselves with, that the only ticket refunds we have to give out are to Season holders and those actually on the trains when it went tits up. All people who took 4ever to get home Thursday, and used other means to struggle in to work on Friday, it's tuff tittty -- to coin a phrase.
Thank you for your captive custom.
LUL
or the real letter is here in case you think i xagerate.....
Also this is the reponse to my refund request........
Thank you for contacting us about last week's derailment on the Central line.
I am sorry you were caused so much inconvenience by this incident.
You are entitled to claim for a refund of the single Tube fare for the journeys where you were delayed for 15 minutes or more. You can do this by completing a customer charter form for each journey and you can find the forms online (https://www.tfl.gov.uk/tube/contacts/refunds.asp) and in the leaflet racks in most Tube stations. I do recommend that you claim as soon as possible as each claim is meant to be sent within fourteen days of the delay.
We very much regret the derailment and the disruption it caused, and we are conducting a thorough investigation into the circumstances with the aim of preventing anything similar happening in the future.
Do get back in touch if I can be of any further help.
Yours sincerely
Customer Service Advisor
Customer Service Centre
Dear Oppressed Customer,
We are writing to let you know that there was a minor derailment on the railway yesterday between Mile End and Bethnal Green. This was entirely the fault of Metronet who are the biggest bunch of t055er5 since the shower we engaged to plan the Stratford DLR station, and Stratford Internotional Station.
Despite the fact the train only came off slightly, and the line is hardly damaged, the service is still not open, and unlikely to be until Monday morning. If possible we will shag Monday as well by doing as little as possible to sort things out.
I am delighted to also let you know that due to the oppressive sales terms we cover ourselves with, that the only ticket refunds we have to give out are to Season holders and those actually on the trains when it went tits up. All people who took 4ever to get home Thursday, and used other means to struggle in to work on Friday, it's tuff tittty -- to coin a phrase.
Thank you for your captive custom.
LUL
or the real letter is here in case you think i xagerate.....
| ||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||
Also this is the reponse to my refund request........
Thank you for contacting us about last week's derailment on the Central line.
I am sorry you were caused so much inconvenience by this incident.
You are entitled to claim for a refund of the single Tube fare for the journeys where you were delayed for 15 minutes or more. You can do this by completing a customer charter form for each journey and you can find the forms online (https://www.tfl.gov.uk/tube/contacts/refunds.asp) and in the leaflet racks in most Tube stations. I do recommend that you claim as soon as possible as each claim is meant to be sent within fourteen days of the delay.
We very much regret the derailment and the disruption it caused, and we are conducting a thorough investigation into the circumstances with the aim of preventing anything similar happening in the future.
Do get back in touch if I can be of any further help.
Yours sincerely
Customer Service Advisor
Customer Service Centre
Thursday 28 June 2007
standards standards
oh bruvva how do we spellcheck ??- oh i know --- press F7 Jim
maybe it should be SIGHT CONTENTS?
Monday 18 June 2007
standards standards
the only thing I have an undefeatable skill at is proof-reading
this one is More Than Insurance - did they give a 4x when i told them? guess their reply.....
Wednesday 13 June 2007
banks think we are muppets
The banks think we are muppets waiting to be mugged for our money. And if any one takes up this offer they deserve all they get.
How can it be legal to send out an email with lies/dubious truths in it? where is the FSA when you need them??
How can it be legal to send out an email with lies/dubious truths in it? where is the FSA when you need them??
""
Dear Mr M Uppet,
Cut loose from high bank charges and escape to our NEW Free Business Current Account today. No other bank offers you all this:
NEW! 6.26% AER* (variable) interest on the first £1,000 of your balance! The gross rate is guaranteed to track the Bank of England base rate at base +0.60% until June 2008. Balances over £1,000 will attract a rate of 0.10% AER (fixed).
6.26% AER (variable), 6.00% (variable) p.a. gross, on balances up to £1,000. Gross interest will track the Bank of England (BoE) base rate, at base +0.60% guaranteed until 30/06/08. After 30/06/08, the gross rate reverts to gross rate BoE base rate minus 2.00% on balances up to £1,000. 0.10% AER (fixed) on balances over £1,000. AER stands for Annual Equivalent Rate and illustrates what the rate would be if it was paid and compounded each year. Gross is the interest without deduction of tax. Interest is calculated daily and applied monthly.
**All we ask is that you pay a minimum of £1000# into your account each month otherwise you'll be charged £5 for that month only.
***Excludes CHAPS payments.
#Credit transfers from your other Alliance & Leicester accounts will not count towards the monthly credit requirement. Note: It is not possible to reply to this e-mail address
the frauds:-
- Free, subject to loads of hard to comply with conditions
- minimum credit of £1000 per month DOES NOT include transfers from other giro accounts, so don't trade with customers who ALSO bank with Giro.
- After 30/06/08, the gross rate reverts to gross rate BoE base rate minus 2.00%pa. on balances up to £1,000, and a generous 0.10% AER (fixed) on balances over £1,000. So if you have an avg balance of £10k in a year you earn £71.60. If you go to Scabby Notional Bank you would earn £100 (39% more)......
- Wow, and this IS the "best banking offer in UK" - i don't fink so guv.....
- After the first year they defraud you even more by switching you to Base Rate-2% on 1st £1k. c£21pa, so Abbey is then 400% better!!! .....And i haven't even got shares in Abbey
- They know full well that it is a complete shag changing business bank accounts, so once they have HOOKED you (see their own advert which has a hook on it!), you are likely to put up with them etc.
Tuesday 12 June 2007
cycling
Cycling is a brilliant idea for nearly all of us.
Almost equally important is to adopt Netherlands Cycling rules so cyclists get priorities at junctions.
And instead of all those stupid useless dangerous unnecessary irrelevant ridiculous narrow painted cycle lanes in the road that start stop erratically on the whim of the painter, let's have real safe sensible well-designed lanes SEGREGATED from traffic by a raised kerb so that buses white vans mums accountants lawyers politicians dads idiots noddies parkers unloaders can't park in them use obstruct them etc......
rock on the revolution........
- if only cyclists would help us respect them by using lights that conform to the laws of this country at night, life would be sooo much more easy. My rough observation is 50% of cyclists do not use any lights at night. There would be an outcry if this statistic applied to buses or cars.
- As always for problems/opportunities, i have designed a solution, because i am a brilliant designer - fit all new bikes with dynamos linked in to the gear mechanism so that u get a decent power output, which runs through to some of those flicky l.e.d. diody thingies all over the bike and it's all sorted, especially with a light-sensitive switch so the noddies can't leave them off. I reckon some 12 year-olds in China could make them for less than a tenner added to cost of a new bike.........
- and obey pedestrian lights os i don't get mown down using pelicans
- and also q at junctions like the rest of us
Almost equally important is to adopt Netherlands Cycling rules so cyclists get priorities at junctions.
And instead of all those stupid useless dangerous unnecessary irrelevant ridiculous narrow painted cycle lanes in the road that start stop erratically on the whim of the painter, let's have real safe sensible well-designed lanes SEGREGATED from traffic by a raised kerb so that buses white vans mums accountants lawyers politicians dads idiots noddies parkers unloaders can't park in them use obstruct them etc......
rock on the revolution........
DLR, docklands light railway, transport
So they're opening/building a shiny new station at Stratford for the DLR.
So far it has the following qualities:-
So far it has the following qualities:-
- A canopy that looks like it's been put up on Friday afternoon by some p155ed British builders after a looooong lunchAnd
- a canopy that is obviously designed by an architect, probably cheered on by Wolff Odious (logo shower). Why can't someone think about FUNCTION first, and poncy prize-winning look 2nd?
- The platforms are completely exposed so a light wind on a January morning is going make it feel like Siberia on a cold day. Oh, and the fix they have done is to put a poncy wind break down the middle of the platform, whereas what we need is walls to the station...
- A canopy that is going to be no use keeping rain off the poor punters when waiting eternally for trains as it is far too narrow, just like at most of the DLR stations. Why can't we be comfortable whilst hanging around waiting for public transport? u might get some drivers out of their gas guzzlers if they felt the alternative was vaguely acceptable
- And best of all ... guess which interchange function u r LEAST likely to do at Stratford? --> yes you guessed right, Jubilee to DLR or vv., as for the first bit to Canaryland they go to same place, yep u guessed it again --> the new station goes into the Jubilee terminus - brilliant, only an architect could have come up with it.
- And even better, at the moment when going in to London you get off Central Line and sprint along platform, ON SAME LEVEL, (to watch the guard shut the DLR train doors just as u get there.) In future u will have to race 2 at a time down the (too narrow) stairs, turn sharp left knocking over numerous people going other way, rush up some steps, turn left through 180deg., sprint up more stairs, turn sharp left, race along a platform, to get a DLR train into London. This design has of curse (sic) been approved by another useless bunch of numpty overheads called Health & Safety. Are they in the world i live in? Did they go to the station before the OK'd the layout?
I bet not one of them lives in Stratford - and how come all the ups/downs don't merit escalators, whereas Canary Wharf is festooned with them. (I wonder where the poor people live and where the rich fat overpaid bastards live?)
- there is even a set of steps that could be a ramp, but oh no. How come the ubiquitous Accessibility shower didn't make them use sensible levels and minimize steps?
Saturday 9 June 2007
Software installation
Why is it that when installing new software you are never asked all the tricky questions on one screen at the start. So you have to stay marooned in front of the telly waiting for the next question to pop up.
§ Do you accept our appalling licence terms
§ Do you want this rubbish installed to xx directory
§ Compact installation or everything
§ What if we encounter pre-existing files from an earlier installation
§ If we hit a read-only file do we……
§ Do you want us to automatically register this software on our webserver
§ Please enter your details here so we can do it when the tyme comes
§ The installation key code is……..
§ At the end of the installation please review the log file called abc.rtf where everything done is listed, but all the secret coblas u really need to read is at the beginning of the file called “IMPORTANT”. This file will be saved on your desktop so you can find it
Next time you install something think about how many of the stupid questions could have been asked when you started instead peppered across 30 mins. erratically.
Friday 8 June 2007
post postal service postman pat
the British postal service provides and excellent service despite the best efforts of the management. Go to Le/Die Continent(e) and try and find letterboxes, or decent last collection times or Sunday collections.... They do seem fairly good at civilized post offices in Germany/Netherlands however.
it is a great shame the fat cats are provoking a strike instead coming to an agreement with the staff. This does not mean just rolling over, just listening to what it is that has weeeed off P Pat, and thinking of an imaginative solution. A strike is appalling news.
Thursday 7 June 2007
new words frangerm
frangerm
a frangerm solution, or outcome, of intense negotiations is one which sounds kool at the news conference, and even hoodwinks some of the rioting pressure groups at the gates, but actually means 80110ck5.
Frequent examples in Europe of this are :-
a frangerm solution, or outcome, of intense negotiations is one which sounds kool at the news conference, and even hoodwinks some of the rioting pressure groups at the gates, but actually means 80110ck5.
Frequent examples in Europe of this are :-
- the EC Budget negotiations,
- the Farm spending talks,
- the €uro introduction where several members failed to qualify, so they just loudly said they did,
- and recently when they noticed several key €uro members had failed to comply with the terms of continuing membership of the currency group, so they pretended they did by frigging the counting, whilst denying flatly that they had failed to meet the standard, and refusing to be booted out etc.
Olympics 2012 logo
As posted on the main olympic 2012 site, not that they will care a tinkers........
"obviously i endorse all abusive comments about the logo, they understate the position, but any comment is better than none.
How D Higgins, plus acolytes, can stand there with Wolf Odious and support this embarrassing logo is pathetic.
Just bin it and do a schools competition in Stratford, there is no rush.
The damage your proposed logo is doing to merchandizing opportunities is incalculable - who will want to wear a t-shirt with a logo that looks like a cartoon representation of a car crash?
it's funny how 100% of the alternatives on your own website are even more revolting than what you chose - no selective editing going on here by any chance? - why not look at some of the ones out in the real world outside your massive ivory tower with reflective windows?
yet again taxpayers money is being flushed swiftly down an open sewer of bungs to mates......."
"obviously i endorse all abusive comments about the logo, they understate the position, but any comment is better than none.
How D Higgins, plus acolytes, can stand there with Wolf Odious and support this embarrassing logo is pathetic.
Just bin it and do a schools competition in Stratford, there is no rush.
The damage your proposed logo is doing to merchandizing opportunities is incalculable - who will want to wear a t-shirt with a logo that looks like a cartoon representation of a car crash?
it's funny how 100% of the alternatives on your own website are even more revolting than what you chose - no selective editing going on here by any chance? - why not look at some of the ones out in the real world outside your massive ivory tower with reflective windows?
yet again taxpayers money is being flushed swiftly down an open sewer of bungs to mates......."
As filed today at 2012 committee website - not that they will a tinkers.,..........why should they - they are effectively unaccountable.
Remember if they cock up the Olympics they will never be asked to do another one in the UK - i bet they're worried
"obviously i endorse all abusive comments about the logo, they understate the position, but any comment is better than none.
How D Higgins, plus acolytes, can stand there with Wolf Odious and support this embarrassing logo is pathetic.
Just bin it and do a schools competition in Stratford, there is no rush.
The damage your proposed logo is doing to merchandising opportunities is incalculable - who will want to wear a t-shirt with a logo that looks like a cartoon representation of a car crash?
it's funny how 100% of the alternatives on your own website are even more revolting than what you chose - no selective editing going on here by any chance? - why not look at some of the ones out in the real world outside your massive ivory tower with reflective windows?
yet again taxpayers money is being flushed swiftly down an open sewer of bungs to mates......."
Remember if they cock up the Olympics they will never be asked to do another one in the UK - i bet they're worried
"obviously i endorse all abusive comments about the logo, they understate the position, but any comment is better than none.
How D Higgins, plus acolytes, can stand there with Wolf Odious and support this embarrassing logo is pathetic.
Just bin it and do a schools competition in Stratford, there is no rush.
The damage your proposed logo is doing to merchandising opportunities is incalculable - who will want to wear a t-shirt with a logo that looks like a cartoon representation of a car crash?
it's funny how 100% of the alternatives on your own website are even more revolting than what you chose - no selective editing going on here by any chance? - why not look at some of the ones out in the real world outside your massive ivory tower with reflective windows?
yet again taxpayers money is being flushed swiftly down an open sewer of bungs to mates......."
Wednesday 6 June 2007
olympics 2012 logo
send a message to the authors.............
Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2007 9:39 AM
Subject: olympic logo comment
I am not often so incensed.....it's pretentious rubbish, and in your hearts you know it.
give them a 50% credit note and set up a schools competition in Stratford to design the correct one, or take one of the simple and effective designs showing on the Web for free.
this can then be wheeled out by Gordon's new Sports minister in the summer with minimal loss of face. this current logo will slash estimates for memorabilia sales/t-shirts etc............ if I'm seen dead in one with the current logo I will rise again.
olympics 2012 logo
the dozy trout (T Jowell) said "This is an iconic brand that sums up what London 2012 is all about - an inclusive, welcoming and diverse Games that involves the whole country. It takes our values to the world beyond our shores, acting both as an invitation and an inspiration. This is not just a marketing logo, but a symbol that will become familiar, instantly recognisable and associated with our Games in so many ways during the next five years."
or it's 80110ck5 ,
trowelling more money from the pockets of the oppressed (taxpayers) to the fat cats who collectively permanently have their noses in the trough.
I reckon a committee of 8 year-olds could have been given a years worth of Smarties, and come up with something brilliant.
or it's 80110ck5 ,
trowelling more money from the pockets of the oppressed (taxpayers) to the fat cats who collectively permanently have their noses in the trough.
I reckon a committee of 8 year-olds could have been given a years worth of Smarties, and come up with something brilliant.
Tuesday 5 June 2007
partitioning the UK
After the last election results in Scotland, and the generally whiny approach Scots people have to us in London, which is fair enough because London runs the show to suit itself, which in itself is fair enough as we pay for it all.......
As an English person I am quite happy for bits of the UK to fall off, and do their own thing in whatever format they wish, as long as I can then stop subsidizing them to have our luxurious lifestyle in the rich South.
I propose that all the bits that are chuntering about departing have a vote giving them a series of choices ASAP, and then we will know where everyone stands. Also us in England should have a vote on who we want to stay, so we know where we stand?
As an English person I am quite happy for bits of the UK to fall off, and do their own thing in whatever format they wish, as long as I can then stop subsidizing them to have our luxurious lifestyle in the rich South.
I propose that all the bits that are chuntering about departing have a vote giving them a series of choices ASAP, and then we will know where everyone stands. Also us in England should have a vote on who we want to stay, so we know where we stand?
search engine oops
i attach an interesting response from yellow pages when searching for an office partitioning firm in London.
Still it would fix my ideas for the UK......
monopolies cartels telephone fraudsters
so how come it is ok for all telephone companies in UK to NOT include 0870 0845 0800 calls in their various odious little call plans they foist on us at every opportunity?
Orange used to include these in their plan and quietly dropped it because they all operate in a cosy little cartel and it suits them?????
BT don't include them or Virgin etc....zzzz
Have you heard that Oftel has noticed this abuse, and has responded as only a civil servant could - oh let's invent a new phone number - the 03xx xxx xxxx, which will be INCLUDED in mobile tariff call allowances - oh yeah, and for how long?
Orange used to include these in their plan and quietly dropped it because they all operate in a cosy little cartel and it suits them?????
BT don't include them or Virgin etc....zzzz
Have you heard that Oftel has noticed this abuse, and has responded as only a civil servant could - oh let's invent a new phone number - the 03xx xxx xxxx, which will be INCLUDED in mobile tariff call allowances - oh yeah, and for how long?
Monday 4 June 2007
banks
why can't banks realize why people hate banks?
I quote
"Dear Mrs Swallow
Thank you for your email.
Due to customer security, we are unable to disclose monetary amounts via our messaging service. For this information, please call one of my colleagues on the number below who will be able to assist you further with your enquiry.
Intelligent Finance is authorised and regulated by the Financial Services Authority.
Regards
Malcolm "
(un) Intelligent Finance
1. i can't reply
2. what was the question?
muppets.................
I quote
"Dear Mrs Swallow
Thank you for your email.
Due to customer security, we are unable to disclose monetary amounts via our messaging service. For this information, please call one of my colleagues on the number below who will be able to assist you further with your enquiry.
Intelligent Finance is authorised and regulated by the Financial Services Authority.
Regards
Malcolm "
(un) Intelligent Finance
1. i can't reply
2. what was the question?
muppets.................
Friday 18 May 2007
inland revenue, HMRC, HMIT
i feel like Victor M
i can't beleeeeve it.
Some t055er from hmit actually rang me today about some stupid ex-client.--> there's no pressure today just the PAYE deadline for eoy filing.
But of course if YOU ring them the phones are all engaged, because they are all using the lines to ring people about stupid coblas that can wait till Monday when the heat is off.
priorities priorities priorities priorities
i can't beleeeeve it.
Some t055er from hmit actually rang me today about some stupid ex-client.--> there's no pressure today just the PAYE deadline for eoy filing.
But of course if YOU ring them the phones are all engaged, because they are all using the lines to ring people about stupid coblas that can wait till Monday when the heat is off.
priorities priorities priorities priorities
Wednesday 2 May 2007
rail booking
i was trying to resist posting, as it's a drug that ensnares feeble mortals such as i.......
i saw a newspaper article telling about interrail for greener travel round Europe etc...
yep it's great EXCEPT the furthest in the future on 2nd May07 you can book onslime is 7th august 2007........so it's not worth the elktronik paper it's written on.
what a pointless waste of massive programming effort (paid for by my taxes) to produce a useless site.......
Tuesday 1 May 2007
pointless email systems
what a pointless waste of electronic paper this email from Tony B is. It has nothing that tells you who it relates to. i got 4 of these yesterday.
Only slight joy is the email they send them all to:
hmrconline15c0881a5@chartered.org
""
Please be advised that one or more Notices to complete a Return of Class 1A National Insurance contributions and expenses and benefits forms P11D have been issued.
If you access your PAYE notices and reminders through the HMRC Website:
- Go on line at www.hmrc.gov.uk and select 'PAYE for Employers' from the 'do it online' menu.
- Login and select 'PAYE Online for Agents'
- Select 'View Notices' from the Notice Summary
Please do not reply to this e-mail.
The original of this email was scanned for viruses by the Government Secure Intranet Anti-Virus service supplied by Cable&Wireless in partnership with MessageLabs. (CCTM Certificate Number 2006/04/0007.) On leaving the GSi this email was certified virus free.
Communications via the GSi may be automatically logged, monitored and/or recorded for legal purposes.
"""
end of message.....
Only slight joy is the email they send them all to:
hmrconline15c0881a5@chartered.org
""
Please be advised that one or more Notices to complete a Return of Class 1A National Insurance contributions and expenses and benefits forms P11D have been issued.
If you access your PAYE notices and reminders through the HMRC Website:
- Go on line at www.hmrc.gov.uk and select 'PAYE for Employers' from the 'do it online' menu.
- Login and select 'PAYE Online for Agents'
- Select 'View Notices' from the Notice Summary
Please do not reply to this e-mail.
The original of this email was scanned for viruses by the Government Secure Intranet Anti-Virus service supplied by Cable&Wireless in partnership with MessageLabs. (CCTM Certificate Number 2006/04/0007.) On leaving the GSi this email was certified virus free.
Communications via the GSi may be automatically logged, monitored and/or recorded for legal purposes.
"""
end of message.....
Friday 27 April 2007
telephoning the taxman
i had to ring the tax office in South Wales today (a distant part of the empire)
"thank you for your call, we are very busy today, please call later", and call is then disconnected.
no option to queue, or redial. They also have special gizmo on the line to prevent you leaving it on redial to get through
what a crepe way to treat your customers!!!
"thank you for your call, we are very busy today, please call later", and call is then disconnected.
no option to queue, or redial. They also have special gizmo on the line to prevent you leaving it on redial to get through
what a crepe way to treat your customers!!!
blackpool, parking regulations
what happened here?
ans. on a postcard....
Your payment has been processed successfully.
Your reference for this transaction is 29911. Please make a note if this number.
An email receipt has been sent to terrdsatblackpool@elond.com.
Note gramma opshonull "a note if this number"
some creep got paid £giga for their website as well.
ans. on a postcard....
Your payment has been processed successfully.
Your reference for this transaction is 29911. Please make a note if this number.
An email receipt has been sent to terrdsatblackpool@elond.com.
Note gramma opshonull "a note if this number"
some creep got paid £giga for their website as well.
Wednesday 25 April 2007
vat online
email received today!! ->speechless........
Dear Sir/Madam
Thank you for your email.
Please note the VAT online service cannot be contact via e-mail. Please
use another method to contact them.
For security reasons specific personal data may have been removed from
this email.
Regards
Online Services (NON)Helpdesk
Dear Sir/Madam
Thank you for your email.
Please note the VAT online service cannot be contact via e-mail. Please
use another method to contact them.
For security reasons specific personal data may have been removed from
this email.
Regards
Online Services (NON)Helpdesk
Monday 23 April 2007
inland revenue, HMRC, HMIT
letter sent this week after a FRUSTRATING TIME....
i am an accountant, and we moved offices. hmrc are the only people left after 9 months still bombarding my old address with mail, despite numerous letters to various tax offices. they are completely useless, and user-hostile. a bunch of ....
i quote"
I refer to my telephone conversation on Friday where you explained that the (secret) system when you move offices is to write to you to get the registered office file updated for our clients. As I stated you are now the only authority inundating our old address with mail misaddressed. It is regrettable that all your colleagues have in 9 months ignored all our incorrect letters, and never once called us and explained the correct procedure to get this simple update done.
We moved in July 2006 from 5 Ardmore road, south Ockendon, rm15 5th to the address below.
Please update all the registered offices on the list attached as requested, this is missing some information of course, but I won’t find out until you ignore this letter and then I call you in two weeks to time find out why nothing has happened, and then I fax it over and then someone says….zzzzzzzzz. After 6 telephone calls to different offices, and a wasted afternoon I am not bitter of course…..Your departments clear lack of interest in the Agent relationship is very disappointing.
"
i am an accountant, and we moved offices. hmrc are the only people left after 9 months still bombarding my old address with mail, despite numerous letters to various tax offices. they are completely useless, and user-hostile. a bunch of ....
i quote"
I refer to my telephone conversation on Friday where you explained that the (secret) system when you move offices is to write to you to get the registered office file updated for our clients. As I stated you are now the only authority inundating our old address with mail misaddressed. It is regrettable that all your colleagues have in 9 months ignored all our incorrect letters, and never once called us and explained the correct procedure to get this simple update done.
We moved in July 2006 from 5 Ardmore road, south Ockendon, rm15 5th to the address below.
Please update all the registered offices on the list attached as requested, this is missing some information of course, but I won’t find out until you ignore this letter and then I call you in two weeks to time find out why nothing has happened, and then I fax it over and then someone says….zzzzzzzzz. After 6 telephone calls to different offices, and a wasted afternoon I am not bitter of course…..Your departments clear lack of interest in the Agent relationship is very disappointing.
"
Friday 20 April 2007
banking tales ........
a recent experience.......with the nationwide building society, who are actually quite good!!
i appreciate the less casual reply, but it does not answer why it is acceptable for your systems to produce this one-sided effect. how can it be right for one side of an internal transfer to show immediately and the other be delayed - i was placed in an embarrassing position due to inability to produce evidence of worth for a property transaction.
If you would like to imagine the scenario in front of the Nationwide chairman on his yacht.....
"here you are sir, our Internet banking software. it's all fabulous, and a particular feature i would like you to see is our one-sided transaction display system. Please use this demonstration system to see its advantages.
Here is my development invoice for £giga for immediate settlement"
----------------
--------------------- Original Message ---------------------
Subject: Re: Complaint Received: 13 April 2007
Dear Mr Swallow,
Thank you for your message.
Please accept my apology for my colleagues response which does not fully address your query. I have provided more detail below.
Whilst transfers between our banking and cash savings accounts are processed in real time, it is true that only mini statements and the balances shown on the My Accounts page update immediately. Accounts which offer only a Full Statement, such as Passbook, Bond or e-Savings do not update their statement immediately. I can assure you that interest is backdated accordingly.
Under our complaints procedure I need to advise you of the following. I've also enclosed a link to our leaflet "a complaint - how can we put it right", this will show you what course of action you can take if you're not happy with my response.
http://www.nationwide.co.uk/contact_us/making_a_complaint/making_a_complaint.htm
What do I do if I'm still unhappy?
The Nationwide Group uses the Financial Services Authority rules when dealing with customers' concerns. Under their guidelines, you may consider the following course of action if you're not satisfied with my response.
1. Our Member Service Department can review your concerns. I will be glad to refer it for you. If you decide to go ahead with this option, please contact me.
2. If you are still not satisfied, you may then approach the Financial Ombudsman Service for an impartial, independent assessment of the situation.
If you don't come back to us within the next 56 days, I will close our file.
Regards,
Mark Newman
Senior Customer Advisor
Internet Services
http://www.nationwide.co.uk
Nationwide. Proud to be different.
If you reply to this message, please include the Tracking Number below in the body of the mail. This will enable us to process your message more efficiently.
TRACKING NUMBER: A00002117759-00008426834
-----Original Message-----
From: 1285117710@bbm.tux
Sent: 12 Apr 07 13:21:11
To: customer.services@nationwide.co.uk
Cc:
Subject: Complaint
and even today i have done transfers which show on one account - my flex - and don't show on my e-account because........? -- no one tested it properly b4 going live.
--------------------- Original Message ---------------------
Subject: Re: Complaint Received: 10 April 2007
Dear Mr Swallow,
Thank you for your message.
The reason why the delay shows is because is was the Easter Bank Holiday, however the transfer is effective dated to the date you requested the transfer of funds.
Regards,
Linda Cox
Senior Customer Advisor
Internet Services
http://www.nationwide.co.uk
Nationwide. Proud to be different.
If you reply to this message, please include the Tracking Number below in the body of the mail. This will enable us to process your message more efficiently.
TRACKING NUMBER: A00002117759-00008401080
-----Original Message-----
From: 1285117710@bbm.tux
Sent: 07 Apr 07 09:19:37
To: customer.services@nationwide.co.uk
Cc:
Subject: Complaint
i transferred funds between my flex and e account.
12 hours later and the transfer shows as leaving my flex but not arriving in my e account because...? - your software is defective
i appreciate the less casual reply, but it does not answer why it is acceptable for your systems to produce this one-sided effect. how can it be right for one side of an internal transfer to show immediately and the other be delayed - i was placed in an embarrassing position due to inability to produce evidence of worth for a property transaction.
If you would like to imagine the scenario in front of the Nationwide chairman on his yacht.....
"here you are sir, our Internet banking software. it's all fabulous, and a particular feature i would like you to see is our one-sided transaction display system. Please use this demonstration system to see its advantages.
Here is my development invoice for £giga for immediate settlement"
----------------
--------------------- Original Message ---------------------
Subject: Re: Complaint Received: 13 April 2007
Dear Mr Swallow,
Thank you for your message.
Please accept my apology for my colleagues response which does not fully address your query. I have provided more detail below.
Whilst transfers between our banking and cash savings accounts are processed in real time, it is true that only mini statements and the balances shown on the My Accounts page update immediately. Accounts which offer only a Full Statement, such as Passbook, Bond or e-Savings do not update their statement immediately. I can assure you that interest is backdated accordingly.
Under our complaints procedure I need to advise you of the following. I've also enclosed a link to our leaflet "a complaint - how can we put it right", this will show you what course of action you can take if you're not happy with my response.
http://www.nationwide.co.uk/contact_us/making_a_complaint/making_a_complaint.htm
What do I do if I'm still unhappy?
The Nationwide Group uses the Financial Services Authority rules when dealing with customers' concerns. Under their guidelines, you may consider the following course of action if you're not satisfied with my response.
1. Our Member Service Department can review your concerns. I will be glad to refer it for you. If you decide to go ahead with this option, please contact me.
2. If you are still not satisfied, you may then approach the Financial Ombudsman Service for an impartial, independent assessment of the situation.
If you don't come back to us within the next 56 days, I will close our file.
Regards,
Mark Newman
Senior Customer Advisor
Internet Services
http://www.nationwide.co.uk
Nationwide. Proud to be different.
If you reply to this message, please include the Tracking Number below in the body of the mail. This will enable us to process your message more efficiently.
TRACKING NUMBER: A00002117759-00008426834
-----Original Message-----
From: 1285117710@bbm.tux
Sent: 12 Apr 07 13:21:11
To: customer.services@nationwide.co.uk
Cc:
Subject: Complaint
and even today i have done transfers which show on one account - my flex - and don't show on my e-account because........? -- no one tested it properly b4 going live.
--------------------- Original Message ---------------------
Subject: Re: Complaint Received: 10 April 2007
Dear Mr Swallow,
Thank you for your message.
The reason why the delay shows is because is was the Easter Bank Holiday, however the transfer is effective dated to the date you requested the transfer of funds.
Regards,
Linda Cox
Senior Customer Advisor
Internet Services
http://www.nationwide.co.uk
Nationwide. Proud to be different.
If you reply to this message, please include the Tracking Number below in the body of the mail. This will enable us to process your message more efficiently.
TRACKING NUMBER: A00002117759-00008401080
-----Original Message-----
From: 1285117710@bbm.tux
Sent: 07 Apr 07 09:19:37
To: customer.services@nationwide.co.uk
Cc:
Subject: Complaint
i transferred funds between my flex and e account.
12 hours later and the transfer shows as leaving my flex but not arriving in my e account because...? - your software is defective
Thursday 19 April 2007
go to my pc
i hate firms who sell you things and then don't support them.....
they HIDE any means to contact them on their website,
and have things like "support" and "feedback" unindexed on their website.....speaks volumes.........zzz
they HIDE any means to contact them on their website,
and have things like "support" and "feedback" unindexed on their website.....speaks volumes.........zzz
docklands light railway
so how come when the strain ambles in to Stratford do we have to put up with uncomfortable surging - i think it slows and accelerates 4 times in its approach.
this means you have to hold tight just when you want to move near the doors - crazy.
An invention they use on the Central Line overcomes this problem completely - it's called 'having a driver'.
Also on the Victoria Line they use something called 'tried & tested software' instead of some old cobblers written by some spotty Germans about 10 years ago.
Also how come the trains sway uncomfortably in the horizontal at speed, whereas tube trains are rock solid - oh i know it's because they use something called 'tried & tested suspension' instead of some old cobblers designed by some garlicky Frenchman about 10 years ago.
this means you have to hold tight just when you want to move near the doors - crazy.
An invention they use on the Central Line overcomes this problem completely - it's called 'having a driver'.
Also on the Victoria Line they use something called 'tried & tested software' instead of some old cobblers written by some spotty Germans about 10 years ago.
Also how come the trains sway uncomfortably in the horizontal at speed, whereas tube trains are rock solid - oh i know it's because they use something called 'tried & tested suspension' instead of some old cobblers designed by some garlicky Frenchman about 10 years ago.
jubilee line
so why do jubilee line trains stop in nearly north canning town, instead of stratford?
i.e. miles from end of platform. there are loads of mainline stations e.g. King X, Euston, or Tower Hill, where they get much closer to end of platform
i.e. miles from end of platform. there are loads of mainline stations e.g. King X, Euston, or Tower Hill, where they get much closer to end of platform
Olympics 2012 Stratford Station
Olympics 2012
i was opposed to the bid because i thought we would never overcome our nearest friends and greatest rivals, but we did !! miracle.
so why not make it all work, and give ourselves a legacy to appreciate out of all the massive spending?
e.g. 1 --> flatten stratford shopping centre this year, and make it a centre to be proud of still in 20 years time when it has all died down
e.g. 2--> flatten the station and build a single truly integrated station for everything - DLR, Central Line, Jubilee line, overground, and Channel tunnel link, instead of the patchy piecemeal solution imposed on us by unimaginative civil servants who don't seem to give a tinkers to55 about E London......? anyone would think the way they spend our money that it comes out of their personal pockets instead of being free. IF only i had the opportunity to spend other peoples money on my pet projects.....
if you use good binoculars you can see the new international station from the real station. Oh and the moving walkway to link the 2 stations has been binned to save a few mill.
have you seen the new DLR station is being built so it ends dangling above the booking hall of the Jubilee line, thereby giving really easy access to change lines to the jubilee line - the only 2 lines at stratford that don't need it as the only time u need a link is to sprint between the 2 lines when one is 5hagged, and you rush to use the alternative. i wish i was a clever designer coming up with sensible solutions instead a boring accountant with no ideas or imagination.
i was opposed to the bid because i thought we would never overcome our nearest friends and greatest rivals, but we did !! miracle.
so why not make it all work, and give ourselves a legacy to appreciate out of all the massive spending?
e.g. 1 --> flatten stratford shopping centre this year, and make it a centre to be proud of still in 20 years time when it has all died down
e.g. 2--> flatten the station and build a single truly integrated station for everything - DLR, Central Line, Jubilee line, overground, and Channel tunnel link, instead of the patchy piecemeal solution imposed on us by unimaginative civil servants who don't seem to give a tinkers to55 about E London......? anyone would think the way they spend our money that it comes out of their personal pockets instead of being free. IF only i had the opportunity to spend other peoples money on my pet projects.....
if you use good binoculars you can see the new international station from the real station. Oh and the moving walkway to link the 2 stations has been binned to save a few mill.
have you seen the new DLR station is being built so it ends dangling above the booking hall of the Jubilee line, thereby giving really easy access to change lines to the jubilee line - the only 2 lines at stratford that don't need it as the only time u need a link is to sprint between the 2 lines when one is 5hagged, and you rush to use the alternative. i wish i was a clever designer coming up with sensible solutions instead a boring accountant with no ideas or imagination.
Olympics 2008 Beijing
Olympics 2008
it is soooo distressing that everyone is sucking up to the one of the world's most oppressive regimes - Tibet, tiananmen square, abuse of rural peasants rights, to name a few.
one day someone will stand for office who has integrity in UK and will call a spade at least a large trowel,
why do we have to deal with someone odious just because of trade - why does pursuit of profit exempt those involved from moral standards?
oh and did u see that only this week 30.4.07 the china-men have been gently told that maybe they are not honouring the press freedom commitment made when they were lying to get the Olympics? And will the international community say anything e.g. "the Olympics r moved to Greece", which is the only thing they would care about?
11.6.07 - 3 Chinese journalists have been sacked for taking an advertisement in their newspaper which reminded locals to remember those who died in vain in Tiananmen Square. All they did was take the advert, they did not even write it themselves! I quote from Ye Tymes Online...
Just out of interest -- how come the woman's defence was ignored, as this means the regime is acknowledging that knowledge of the atrocity is common currency in China even though they deny it ever happened, so she has been sacked for not knowing about something imaginary according the the government.
What a great place to live, i must go for a holiday and help prop up the regime
oh, and i bet not one athlete (with a realistic chance of a medal) from UK will refuse to go to Beijing on principle........
it is soooo distressing that everyone is sucking up to the one of the world's most oppressive regimes - Tibet, tiananmen square, abuse of rural peasants rights, to name a few.
one day someone will stand for office who has integrity in UK and will call a spade at least a large trowel,
why do we have to deal with someone odious just because of trade - why does pursuit of profit exempt those involved from moral standards?
oh and did u see that only this week 30.4.07 the china-men have been gently told that maybe they are not honouring the press freedom commitment made when they were lying to get the Olympics? And will the international community say anything e.g. "the Olympics r moved to Greece", which is the only thing they would care about?
11.6.07 - 3 Chinese journalists have been sacked for taking an advertisement in their newspaper which reminded locals to remember those who died in vain in Tiananmen Square. All they did was take the advert, they did not even write it themselves! I quote from Ye Tymes Online...
"BEIJING Three editors have lost their jobs after failing to notice a one-line advertisement in the June 4 edition of their newspaper paying tribute to the mothers of the protesters who were killed.Li Zhaojun, deputy editor-in-chief of the Chengdu Evening News, in southwestern Sichuan province, and two other staff members have been dismissed, unidentified sources told Reuters.
The young woman clerk who took the advertisement from a man who visited the office apparently let it through because she had never heard of the Tiananmen crackdown. The message said: “Saluting the strong-willed mothers of June 4 victims.”
China bans any public mention of the day in 1989 when troops killed several hundred pro-democracy protesters in Beijing."
Just out of interest -- how come the woman's defence was ignored, as this means the regime is acknowledging that knowledge of the atrocity is common currency in China even though they deny it ever happened, so she has been sacked for not knowing about something imaginary according the the government.
What a great place to live, i must go for a holiday and help prop up the regime
oh, and i bet not one athlete (with a realistic chance of a medal) from UK will refuse to go to Beijing on principle........
clocks
ok so it's 07.50 here in sunny london
but the blogger amstrad swears it's 06.50 because.........
yes i have checked all my settings etc..........
but the blogger amstrad swears it's 06.50 because.........
yes i have checked all my settings etc..........
Google toolbar
when you install the fantabulous Google toolbar.......
why does the country select option, which is a drop down, only list the URL, assuming we all know what we are looking for, instead of the country. AND the drop-down is in country order!!! so whatever Google Germany is, is nearer the top than u.k., even though it is only the URL showing e.g. google.de under G whereas google.co.uk under U....
spell checker
so tell me o wise and 1derful googleman......
i use your fantabulous toolbar, and especially its spell checker.
when someone checked it off, and paid for the speller, why didn't they try using it 1st?
try typing something complicated like "ot", my really common stupidity, and see what it comes up with.... also try "htye".
i know they would say "it's free" , but we all know they provide it for hard commercial reasons
i use your fantabulous toolbar, and especially its spell checker.
when someone checked it off, and paid for the speller, why didn't they try using it 1st?
try typing something complicated like "ot", my really common stupidity, and see what it comes up with.... also try "htye".
i know they would say "it's free" , but we all know they provide it for hard commercial reasons
websites that don't work
hates
websites that don't work due to pathetic programming quality.
it's obvious to all except the geeks who set up websites, that you have to build in failure handling, so that users don't get p155ed 0ff with meaningless errors.....
Server Error in '/' Application.
Server was unable to process request. --> Cannot open database requested in login 'sagesoft'. Login fails. Login failed for user 'webuser'.
Description: An unhandled exception occurred during the execution of the current web request. Please review the stack trace for more information about the error and where it originated in the code.
Exception Details: System.Web.Services.Protocols.SoapException: Server was unable to process request. --> Cannot open database requested in login 'sagesoft'. Login fails. Login failed for user 'webuser'.
Source Error:
An unhandled exception was generated during the execution of the current web request. Information regarding the origin and location of the exception can be identified using the exception stack trace below.
Stack Trace:
[SoapException: Server was unable to process request. --> Cannot open database requested in login 'sagesoft'. Login fails.
Login failed for user 'webuser'.]
System.Web.Services.Protocols.SoapHttpClientProtocol.ReadResponse(SoapClientMessage message, WebResponse response, Stream responseStream, Boolean asyncCall) +1495
System.Web.Services.Protocols.SoapHttpClientProtocol.Invoke(String methodName, Object[] parameters) +218
Sage.IS.WebTeam.SalesLogixWS.SalesLogixWS.GetL500AccountBalance(String accountNumber) +48
TasSoftwareCoUk.Controls.AccountStatementControl.Page_Load(Object sender, EventArgs e) +460
System.Web.UI.Control.OnLoad(EventArgs e) +67
System.Web.UI.Control.LoadRecursive() +35
System.Web.UI.Control.LoadRecursive() +98
System.Web.UI.Control.LoadRecursive() +98
System.Web.UI.Control.LoadRecursive() +98
System.Web.UI.Control.LoadRecursive() +98
System.Web.UI.Page.ProcessRequestMain() +750
Version Information: Microsoft .NET Framework Version:1.1.4322.2300; ASP.NET Version:1.1.4322.2300
websites that don't work due to pathetic programming quality.
it's obvious to all except the geeks who set up websites, that you have to build in failure handling, so that users don't get p155ed 0ff with meaningless errors.....
Server Error in '/' Application.
Server was unable to process request. --> Cannot open database requested in login 'sagesoft'. Login fails. Login failed for user 'webuser'.
Description: An unhandled exception occurred during the execution of the current web request. Please review the stack trace for more information about the error and where it originated in the code.
Exception Details: System.Web.Services.Protocols.SoapException: Server was unable to process request. --> Cannot open database requested in login 'sagesoft'. Login fails. Login failed for user 'webuser'.
Source Error:
An unhandled exception was generated during the execution of the current web request. Information regarding the origin and location of the exception can be identified using the exception stack trace below.
Stack Trace:
[SoapException: Server was unable to process request. --> Cannot open database requested in login 'sagesoft'. Login fails.
Login failed for user 'webuser'.]
System.Web.Services.Protocols.SoapHttpClientProtocol.ReadResponse(SoapClientMessage message, WebResponse response, Stream responseStream, Boolean asyncCall) +1495
System.Web.Services.Protocols.SoapHttpClientProtocol.Invoke(String methodName, Object[] parameters) +218
Sage.IS.WebTeam.SalesLogixWS.SalesLogixWS.GetL500AccountBalance(String accountNumber) +48
TasSoftwareCoUk.Controls.AccountStatementControl.Page_Load(Object sender, EventArgs e) +460
System.Web.UI.Control.OnLoad(EventArgs e) +67
System.Web.UI.Control.LoadRecursive() +35
System.Web.UI.Control.LoadRecursive() +98
System.Web.UI.Control.LoadRecursive() +98
System.Web.UI.Control.LoadRecursive() +98
System.Web.UI.Control.LoadRecursive() +98
System.Web.UI.Page.ProcessRequestMain() +750
Version Information: Microsoft .NET Framework Version:1.1.4322.2300; ASP.NET Version:1.1.4322.2300
Wednesday 18 April 2007
tomtom satellite navigation system
so y r tomtoms a stupid shape?
given that they are nicked ceaselessly, they need to be size of a paperback book, so you can take it out as you get out of your exec limo and put in your case.
Also it reckons it takes 4 hours to do 240 miles from London to Blackpool --> dream on sunshine. try c.6 last Tuesday.
i drove like a demon to margate on Tuesday and just made the appointment. if i had driven sensibly i would have been late even though tomtom said all was ok when i started
in my experience you need to add about 20% to their travel times for a real number.
given that they are nicked ceaselessly, they need to be size of a paperback book, so you can take it out as you get out of your exec limo and put in your case.
Also it reckons it takes 4 hours to do 240 miles from London to Blackpool --> dream on sunshine. try c.6 last Tuesday.
i drove like a demon to margate on Tuesday and just made the appointment. if i had driven sensibly i would have been late even though tomtom said all was ok when i started
in my experience you need to add about 20% to their travel times for a real number.
blackpool
i spent 5 days there last week
the weather was great
Blackpool is a shitehole unless you are a peasant or going there for a debauched hen/stag night.....!
virtually 100% trad caffs wiht rubbish coffee/food
virtually 100% trad caffs wiht rubbish coffee/food
can't see how they will survive come 1.7.07 when fags get abolished.
even the iconic trams are run by the council 'traditionally' - in bunches of 3, secret fares, over-staffed, slow....
even the iconic trams are run by the council 'traditionally' - in bunches of 3, secret fares, over-staffed, slow....
still it was interesting to see the last un-reconstructed British seaside resort
PS. massive business opportunity avaialbe --> open an Internet caff as they only have one very feeble offering at 50p for 10 mins with no printing as long as you buy a 1.99 coffee
PS. massive business opportunity avaialbe --> open an Internet caff as they only have one very feeble offering at 50p for 10 mins with no printing as long as you buy a 1.99 coffee
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