standards standards

oh bruvva how do we spellcheck ??-


all other ENQUIRES ???

standards standards

oh bruvva how do we spellcheck ??- oh i know --- press F7 Jim


maybe it should be SIGHT CONTENTS?

standards standards

oh bruvva how do we spellcheck ??- oh i know --- press F7 Jim

new ENQUIRES

standards standards

the only thing I have an undefeatable skill at is proof-reading






this one is More Than Insurance - did they give a 4x when i told them? guess their reply.....

banks think we are muppets

The banks think we are muppets waiting to be mugged for our money. And if any one takes up this offer they deserve all they get.
How can it be legal to send out an email with lies/dubious truths in it? where is the FSA when you need them??

""
Dear Mr M Uppet,

Cut loose from high bank charges and escape to our NEW Free Business Current Account today. No other bank offers you all this:
NEW! 6.26% AER* (variable) interest on the first £1,000 of your balance! The gross rate is guaranteed to track the Bank of England base rate at base +0.60% until June 2008. Balances over £1,000 will attract a rate of 0.10% AER (fixed).
6.26% AER (variable), 6.00% (variable) p.a. gross, on balances up to £1,000. Gross interest will track the Bank of England (BoE) base rate, at base +0.60% guaranteed until 30/06/08. After 30/06/08, the gross rate reverts to gross rate BoE base rate minus 2.00% on balances up to £1,000. 0.10% AER (fixed) on balances over £1,000. AER stands for Annual Equivalent Rate and illustrates what the rate would be if it was paid and compounded each year. Gross is the interest without deduction of tax. Interest is calculated daily and applied monthly.
**All we ask is that you pay a minimum of £1000# into your account each month otherwise you'll be charged £5 for that month only.
***Excludes CHAPS payments.
#Credit transfers from your other Alliance & Leicester accounts will not count towards the monthly credit requirement. Note: It is not possible to reply to this e-mail address

the frauds:-

• Free, subject to loads of hard to comply with conditions
• minimum credit of £1000 per month DOES NOT include transfers from other giro accounts, so don't trade with customers who ALSO bank with Giro.
• After 30/06/08, the gross rate reverts to gross rate BoE base rate minus 2.00%pa. on balances up to £1,000, and a generous 0.10% AER (fixed) on balances over £1,000. So if you have an avg balance of £10k in a year you earn £71.60. If you go to Scabby Notional Bank you would earn £100 (39% more)......
• Wow, and this IS the "best banking offer in UK" - i don't fink so guv.....
• After the first year they defraud you even more by switching you to Base Rate-2% on 1st £1k. c£21pa, so Abbey is then 400% better!!! .....And i haven't even got shares in Abbey
• They know full well that it is a complete shag changing business bank accounts, so once they have HOOKED you (see their own advert which has a hook on it!), you are likely to put up with them etc.

I am quite serious about setting up a bank to provide a proper service to long-suffering UK customers. Just need the £1m. for all the initial set-up stuff, and we r away.........

cycling

Cycling is a brilliant idea for nearly all of us.

• if only cyclists would help us respect them by using lights that conform to the laws of this country at night, life would be sooo much more easy. My rough observation is 50% of cyclists do not use any lights at night. There would be an outcry if this statistic applied to buses or cars.
  
• As always for problems/opportunities, i have designed a solution, because i am a brilliant designer - fit all new bikes with dynamos linked in to the gear mechanism so that u get a decent power output, which runs through to some of those flicky l.e.d. diody thingies all over the bike and it's all sorted, especially with a light-sensitive switch so the noddies can't leave them off. I reckon some 12 year-olds in China could make them for less than a tenner added to cost of a new bike.........
  

• and obey pedestrian lights os i don't get mown down using pelicans
  
• and also q at junctions like the rest of us

Almost equally important is to adopt Netherlands Cycling rules so cyclists get priorities at junctions.

And instead of all those stupid useless dangerous unnecessary irrelevant ridiculous narrow painted cycle lanes in the road that start stop erratically on the whim of the painter, let's have real safe sensible well-designed lanes SEGREGATED from traffic by a raised kerb so that buses white vans mums accountants lawyers politicians dads idiots noddies parkers unloaders can't park in them use obstruct them etc......

rock on the revolution........

DLR, docklands light railway, transport

So they're opening/building a shiny new station at Stratford for the DLR.

So far it has the following qualities:-

• A canopy that looks like it's been put up on Friday afternoon by some p155ed British builders after a looooong lunchAnd
• a canopy that is obviously designed by an architect, probably cheered on by Wolff Odious (logo shower). Why can't someone think about FUNCTION first, and poncy prize-winning look 2nd?
  
• The platforms are completely exposed so a light wind on a January morning is going make it feel like Siberia on a cold day. Oh, and the fix they have done is to put a poncy wind break down the middle of the platform, whereas what we need is walls to the station...
  
• A canopy that is going to be no use keeping rain off the poor punters when waiting eternally for trains as it is far too narrow, just like at most of the DLR stations. Why can't we be comfortable whilst hanging around waiting for public transport? u might get some drivers out of their gas guzzlers if they felt the alternative was vaguely acceptable
  
• And best of all ... guess which interchange function u r LEAST likely to do at Stratford? --> yes you guessed right, Jubilee to DLR or vv., as for the first bit to Canaryland they go to same place, yep u guessed it again --> the new station goes into the Jubilee terminus - brilliant, only an architect could have come up with it.
  
• And even better, at the moment when going in to London you get off Central Line and sprint along platform, ON SAME LEVEL, (to watch the guard shut the DLR train doors just as u get there.) In future u will have to race 2 at a time down the (too narrow) stairs, turn sharp left knocking over numerous people going other way, rush up some steps, turn left through 180deg., sprint up more stairs, turn sharp left, race along a platform, to get a DLR train into London. This design has of curse (sic) been approved by another useless bunch of numpty overheads called Health & Safety. Are they in the world i live in? Did they go to the station before the OK'd the layout?
  I bet not one of them lives in Stratford
• and how come all the ups/downs don't merit escalators, whereas Canary Wharf is festooned with them. (I wonder where the poor people live and where the rich fat overpaid bastards live?)
• there is even a set of steps that could be a ramp, but oh no. How come the ubiquitous Accessibility shower didn't make them use sensible levels and minimize steps?
  

Software installation

Why is it that when installing new software you are never asked all the tricky questions on one screen at the start. So you have to stay marooned in front of the telly waiting for the next question to pop up.

§ Do you accept our appalling licence terms

§ Do you want this rubbish installed to xx directory

§ Compact installation or everything

§ What if we encounter pre-existing files from an earlier installation

§ If we hit a read-only file do we……

§ Do you want us to automatically register this software on our webserver

§ Please enter your details here so we can do it when the tyme comes

§ The installation key code is……..

§ At the end of the installation please review the log file called abc.rtf where everything done is listed, but all the secret coblas u really need to read is at the beginning of the file called “IMPORTANT”. This file will be saved on your desktop so you can find it

Next time you install something think about how many of the stupid questions could have been asked when you started instead peppered across 30 mins. erratically.

post postal service postman pat

the British postal service provides and excellent service despite the best efforts of the management. Go to Le/Die Continent(e) and try and find letterboxes, or decent last collection times or Sunday collections.... They do seem fairly good at civilized post offices in Germany/Netherlands however.
it is a great shame the fat cats are provoking a strike instead coming to an agreement with the staff. This does not mean just rolling over, just listening to what it is that has weeeed off P Pat, and thinking of an imaginative solution. A strike is appalling news.

new words frangerm

frangerm


a frangerm solution, or outcome, of intense negotiations is one which sounds kool at the news conference, and even hoodwinks some of the rioting pressure groups at the gates, but actually means 80110ck5.

Frequent examples in Europe of this are :-

• the EC Budget negotiations,
• the Farm spending talks,
• the €uro introduction where several members failed to qualify, so they just loudly said they did,
• and recently when they noticed several key €uro members had failed to comply with the terms of continuing membership of the currency group, so they pretended they did by frigging the counting, whilst denying flatly that they had failed to meet the standard, and refusing to be booted out etc.

more definitions to come

Olympics 2012 logo

As posted on the main olympic 2012 site, not that they will care a tinkers........

"obviously i endorse all abusive comments about the logo, they understate the position, but any comment is better than none.

How D Higgins, plus acolytes, can stand there with Wolf Odious and support this embarrassing logo is pathetic.
Just bin it and do a schools competition in Stratford, there is no rush.

The damage your proposed logo is doing to merchandizing opportunities is incalculable - who will want to wear a t-shirt with a logo that looks like a cartoon representation of a car crash?

it's funny how 100% of the alternatives on your own website are even more revolting than what you chose - no selective editing going on here by any chance? - why not look at some of the ones out in the real world outside your massive ivory tower with reflective windows?

yet again taxpayers money is being flushed swiftly down an open sewer of bungs to mates......."

As filed today at 2012 committee website - not that they will a tinkers.,..........why should they - they are effectively unaccountable.
Remember if they cock up the Olympics they will never be asked to do another one in the UK - i bet they're worried


"obviously i endorse all abusive comments about the logo, they understate the position, but any comment is better than none.

How D Higgins, plus acolytes, can stand there with Wolf Odious and support this embarrassing logo is pathetic.

Just bin it and do a schools competition in Stratford, there is no rush.

The damage your proposed logo is doing to merchandising opportunities is incalculable - who will want to wear a t-shirt with a logo that looks like a cartoon representation of a car crash?

it's funny how 100% of the alternatives on your own website are even more revolting than what you chose - no selective editing going on here by any chance? - why not look at some of the ones out in the real world outside your massive ivory tower with reflective windows?

yet again taxpayers money is being flushed swiftly down an open sewer of bungs to mates......."

olympics 2012 logo

send a message to the authors.............

To: hello@wolffolins.com

Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2007 9:39 AM

Subject: olympic logo comment

I am not often so incensed.....it's pretentious rubbish, and in your hearts you know it.

give them a 50% credit note and set up a schools competition in Stratford to design the correct one, or take one of the simple and effective designs showing on the Web for free.

this can then be wheeled out by Gordon's new Sports minister in the summer with minimal loss of face. this current logo will slash estimates for memorabilia sales/t-shirts etc............ if I'm seen dead in one with the current logo I will rise again.

olympics 2012 logo

the dozy trout (T Jowell) said "This is an iconic brand that sums up what London 2012 is all about - an inclusive, welcoming and diverse Games that involves the whole country. It takes our values to the world beyond our shores, acting both as an invitation and an inspiration. This is not just a marketing logo, but a symbol that will become familiar, instantly recognisable and associated with our Games in so many ways during the next five years."

or it's 80110ck5 ,
trowelling more money from the pockets of the oppressed (taxpayers) to the fat cats who collectively permanently have their noses in the trough.

I reckon a committee of 8 year-olds could have been given a years worth of Smarties, and come up with something brilliant.

partitioning the UK

After the last election results in Scotland, and the generally whiny approach Scots people have to us in London, which is fair enough because London runs the show to suit itself, which in itself is fair enough as we pay for it all.......

As an English person I am quite happy for bits of the UK to fall off, and do their own thing in whatever format they wish, as long as I can then stop subsidizing them to have our luxurious lifestyle in the rich South.

I propose that all the bits that are chuntering about departing have a vote giving them a series of choices ASAP, and then we will know where everyone stands. Also us in England should have a vote on who we want to stay, so we know where we stand?

search engine oops

i attach an interesting response from yellow pages when searching for an office partitioning firm in London.
Still it would fix my ideas for the UK......

monopolies cartels telephone fraudsters

so how come it is ok for all telephone companies in UK to NOT include 0870 0845 0800 calls in their various odious little call plans they foist on us at every opportunity?

Orange used to include these in their plan and quietly dropped it because they all operate in a cosy little cartel and it suits them?????
BT don't include them or Virgin etc....zzzz

Have you heard that Oftel has noticed this abuse, and has responded as only a civil servant could - oh let's invent a new phone number - the 03xx xxx xxxx, which will be INCLUDED in mobile tariff call allowances - oh yeah, and for how long?

banks

why can't banks realize why people hate banks?
I quote
"Dear Mrs Swallow

Thank you for your email.

Due to customer security, we are unable to disclose monetary amounts via our messaging service. For this information, please call one of my colleagues on the number below who will be able to assist you further with your enquiry.

Intelligent Finance is authorised and regulated by the Financial Services Authority.

Regards

Malcolm "
(un) Intelligent Finance


1. i can't reply
2. what was the question?

muppets.................